Why I Hate Valentine’s Day
If you’ve read some of my other rants, you may notice a pattern where I begin with a caveat, or an explanation of why my opinions may not be what you’d immediately think. But in this case, I think my opinions are fairly cliche. I probably hate it for the same reasons most of you do as well.
That said, the manner and degree of my hatred depends on what your situation is. And we’ll start with the people who you’re probably not thinking of: the people who have to work for Valentine’s. I’m not talking about the people who sell cards, and stuffed bears, or candles and candy and jewelry. I’m talking about the car dealerships offering Valentine’s Day sales. I’m talking about the Ikea “romantic dinner for two” deal that I saw an advertisement for. Yes, you can take your loved one to Ikea, a furniture store, for fast-food style meatballs.
What is wrong with these people?! Your products have absolutely nothing to do with the holiday! Some of the cash grabbing and marketing around Valentine’s I can understand, but it’s painful to have to bear witness to this level of stupidity. I feel for the employees who are forced to push the deals, but whoever it was that came up with the idea needs to be buried in an unmarked shallow grave. I’ll be reasonable, and insist you wait until they’ve died of natural causes first, but still!
There are other people who work for Valentine’s, and I feel particularly bad for them–restaurant workers. Generally speaking, the more people you have at a table, the easier it is. One table of six is way easier to handle than three tables of two. Hopefully that makes sense and you need no further clarification. But on Valentine’s Day, you generally only get twos. And everyone who comes in wants everything to be perfect and romantic, so they have ridiculous special requests. And the only saving grace would be the increase in tips that you get, but since even going out at all was a special event for these people, they tend to be poorer than your normal clientele, and crappy tippers.
So I feel bad for the people who work in restaurants on Valentine’s. If you have any heart at all, you’ll stay home.
Then there are the single people. You know the ones, those who hate Valentine’s because it reminds them how lonely they are. I hate those people. First of all, being single on Valentine’s is great! You save money, you’re not pressured to do anything, what more could you want? Secondly, if you really are lonely, go out and date someone! It isn’t that hard, provided “not being alone” is your main goal. Ask a few people out; it may not work the first few times, but eventually someone will say yes. If that doesn’t happen, then apparently you’re just not as attractive or interesting as you thought you were, and you either need to work on yourself, or lower your standards. Prince charming isn’t coming for you; if you’re alone, you’re the one that got you there.
For the couples out there, I have no hatred towards you. Do your thing, just try not to make it so over the top that it gets on other people’s way, and try not to be unbearably sappy, just as a courtesy. But as a person who has been a part of a couple more than once in the past on Valentine’s, I hate the day because I don’t need the calendar telling me what to do. If I care about someone, I don’t need a holiday to pressure me to prove it. If I care, I’m likely showing it all of the time–if I don’t, then I really don’t care that much, do I?
And gifts? Here’s my philosophy on gifts. If I find something that I think someone I know will actually like, and it is not too expensive (relative of course to how much I care about the person), I will get it for them and give it to them on any day of the year, just because I can. But on birthdays or Christmas or Valentine’s? You’ll get my time and attention, maybe I’ll buy you a drink, but that’s it. Side note, if I had kids I wouldn’t be a monster and yes, I would get them presents, but I’m talking about adults here. So no, you’re not getting a Valentine’s card from me, nor jewelry, or a box of chocolates.
And you know what? We might not even go out to dinner, or drinks. You know why? Because being on the 14th of February, that could be any day of the week in a random given year. So maybe I have work in the morning. Maybe I have a big deadline on a project I’m working on. Or maybe I just don’t feel like it. Either way, I feel absolutely no guilt for skipping this one, but I hate it when people try to make me feel it.
And if you have multiple partners, maybe a mistress on the side, it gets even worse. Balancing a secret life is hard enough, without a set day when everyone wants to be the only one you spend time with.
And even the name is stupid. Valentine’s day. Named after Saint Valentine, the patron saint of lovers, epileptics, and beekeepers. Because those all have things in common. Catholic mysticism is not, entirely, the best way to run your life. In any case, while there are various stories and legends about this saint, they’re not entirely…. True. Records are unreliable, and talk about multiple different people from different times. And I can already hear you saying, “stop ruining the fun! It’s just a fun reason to go out with the person you love!” To which I would say, if you want to go out, do it! More power to you! But do it because you want to, and you care about the person you’re with, and do it, maybe, more than once a year? You don’t need silly made-up stories, do you? Really?
Now, I would prefer to just not have a Valentine’s day anymore, but if we have to, I’d prefer to do it the way the Japanese do (and other Asian countries, but I’m most familiar with Japan). February 14th is Valentine’s day, and girls give chocolates to boys they like. Also male co-workers, and friends, so it can just be a platonic thing. Then, on March 14th is White Day, and the men then give gifts to the girls (friends, co-workers, lovers, etc). The gifts are chocolates, cookies, lingerie… you know, standard valentine’s kind of things.
What I like about it is that it’s not just a date-night with presents. It’s a simple gift exchange that shows you care, but with no other obligations. And because it’s separated by genders, both parts of the relationship get to feel special, instead of the way we do it, where everything has to be just right for the girl, and the guy is probably going along grudgingly because he doesn’t care. One day is for you, and one day is for her. I’m not entirely sure how it works for gay couples, but I’ll bet they figure out a system that works for them.
I would trade in Valentine’s day for a glorified cookie exchange in a heartbeat.